not a good feeling i am having right now...

assalamu'alaikum and hi to all,

i have not been updating this blog for quite some time now. well, today i am going to add one entry... albeit a said one...

i am not feeling good today. not having any physical illness of any kinds (i think) but i just feel that i am not treated well and not feeling loved. the feeling when you get left alone and has slightest care from no one whilst to do what is expected of you and to carry out those duties for the sake of responsibilities and not a stint of love and care can be found anywhere near.

a sorry and so-of 'broken heart' tone that i am carrying right now in me.

fortunately, i am changing to become a better person. i plan to become one, one who is capable to fulfill responsibilities laid in front him and able to carry out duties as i am supposed to. i want to change and become a reliable and better person for my family and me. i want to become constantly motivated and change for the better. may ALLAH grant me this wish.

having said that, although after much efforts to become a better person and trying my best to be a reliable person, i feel that i taken for granted for all the things i have done. i realized that the feeling of not loved and unappreciated linger quite strongly in me right now. i know i should not sought out appreciation so much from others yet, i am no prophet. i am not a prophet whom would lay down his lives for others, keeping steadfast to his duties and responsibilities and never seek anything in return. i would think we as normal people need some level of appreciation and love from others no matter how small it is, especially from those you would called and acknowledged as loved ones.

i need to do something to 'push away' such feelings in me right now. i need to concentrate in my work (which is piling up) and produce results, no matter how insignificant it is. any results is better than no results at all. any victories that would make want to celebrate, even it is a minute one. i need to pick myself up. and i need to do it now...

till next, may ALLAH bless u and your family always. all the best and i hope to see you soon. wassalam.